on loss

September 13, 2017 § Leave a comment

swimming into the space of without 
having one fully there
and then not 
you feel 
so fully, and don’t believe 
you’ve ever felt
as much as you do, 
now,
that you’ve felt loss, 
now 
that you’ve felt thoughts
wring themselves dry
in your hands
so fully
I wonder
at the very same time
both, if I’ll ever have any more 
thought
to think and if I’ll ever 
be able to grasp 
a moment of calm 
when my mind isn’t 
spinning 
frantically in circles, 
loss
that so fully awakens you 
makes you 
present, but oppressively 
makes you 
absent, presses every inch 
of your mind, pulls every fiber 
of your being apart, no matter who 
made the decision 
the call
the whisper of doubt
the degree
to which you feel is so 
ever 
present, here
pulling your tendons in 
every direction
leaving you to fully feel
still, numb, torn, broken
loneliness though is a gift
of resilience 
it gives 
perspective
pulls together the heart
stitches it up
makes you wash your hair
toast your bread
get on with your day
keeps your heart 
tapping, lungs 
gasping, feet 
stepping, hands 
typing
albeit 
pounding, 
sharply, 
numbly, 
achingly,
at times
it’s amazing 
despite the weight
the things you feel
when you let yourself 
feel…
your mind 
and heart and cells
are capable of expressing
everything, just cells, 
pieces of the earth 
we’re just pieces
of this place, yet
we feel so deeply
we think so profoundly 
it’s a gift
I can’t express
my thanks
how lucky am I
to have met another soul, 
perhaps, just once in this life,
who made me feel so 
deeply

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